You need to be on the same page here, so there is no way to be triangulated. Babies are the greatest! I cry all of the time. I just know that someone out there would understand. Don't apologize for the way you feel. But it was more than just a rough night; it was a stark and deeply unpleasant sense that there had been many nights like this and there would be many more to come. I read about other parents who don’t want to parent anymore and then I don’t feel so bad or alone. That is worth reading, as is the Lemon Clot essay (not while you’re eating). A place to get support and advice dealing with mean, nasty, toxic, and / or abusive mothers-in-law and moms. So my mom kept them at arm's length. What I’m trying to say is that your presence may not be enough to keep them from hurting your child (whether physically or emotionally) - the only surefire prevention would be for them to not ever be around her. He just can’t control them and he is currently LC and I am wholeheartedly NC. My husband is not really very helpful but he tries to be supportive to me. Even though my car is parked in my driveway and my gate is closed, I come to realize that someone egged and TP’d my … This is right for us. DH can do what he wants for himself. Then I became a teacher and realized that I really like children, but I don't really like them after 4 p.m., Monday through Friday. I had this when I was in the hospital with my own, and when I needed to shower or go to the bathroom, I'd ask a nurse to watch him for a few. A parent's greatest responsibility is to protect their children. It is the heightened need for attention that creates those vindictive feelings that you project onto your child. If you're wholeheartedly NC, I can't imagine why you would subject your child to their presence, or your FH to their baby rabies. We don't want to burden one another's families financially like that. This varies from state to state; look yours up and consult a lawyer if there’s anything that could possibly be construed as applying to you, especially if you’re considering divorce.). I don't want to live with her anymore. She upsets me every day. The weekend comes and I sleep in very late on that Saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). Frankly, most things “Disney” are weird at best, and a little toxic at worst. As a result, if your child gets too much attention from others, including family members, you may dominate your child in an effort to squash your child's self-esteem. Her relationship with her daughter was awful, in spite of them being related by blood. I am glad. My daughter is 3 and doesn't listen to me or do anything I ask. That your husband is a survivor of abuse, and will not protect your child from them, ask if it's possible to prevent him from going over your head and inviting them against your wishes. My husband is not really very helpful but he tries to be supportive to me. When we were growing up, my dad's family was really terrible to my mom. He may be more likely to see it your way if they’re lawn tantruming or badmouthing you or whatever their personal strain of BSC is. Dear Willie D: I am a 27-years-old divorcée with four small children ages eight months [through] six years. Giving them access and a relationship is a good way to have them go to court for grandparents rights when your husband finally pulls his head out of his ass and you all go NC later. And you may understand them all. You’re the mum. The poor child got chemical burns on her girl parts, and will probably have permanent scarring. I know that sounds so awful but that is how I feel. Your Mom instincts are telling you something, and I think you have good instincts. Best wishes for an easy and comfortable third trimester and delivery.). We've seen husbands go behind wife's back to let their parents meet the children, and that is a huge break of trust that can lead to the dissolvance of the marriage. Spending a lot of time around kids gave me my answer. Another poster mentioned the fourth trimester. Most of them would be Unwanted experiences for you► Business Email: [email protected]►Check also 2 more channels: Everyone Failshttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZc8b2eBFM15LH-d-9yeFkgProblems in relationshiphttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSa-NB-d_DGVhKwu8d2xYRABackground Music used:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcQc_qKAHpc And I cannot BEAR the thought of them holding or bringing any of their energy around the most precious thing to me. Rules Reminder: r/JUSTNOMIL does not tolerate shaming or trolling of any kind. Being "faaamily" didn't stop my grandma from being abusive to me. I don't want my child anymore! If you feel this way and are scared, it’s okay. Being pregnant is always a growing experience for the parents, as well as the baby, if they allow it. What you say goes. If you have nobody willing to put you up, go to the police or call them and as for information about a women's shelter. I don't want him. I am NC with my Dad he met her once. ILs have never met #1 and will be kept unaware of #2 for as long as humanly possible. And I'm only 35. I used to be a very happy and positive person. We don’t see them much.. my twins (the oldest one in particular) 8 months old just screams and cries like he’s being murdered whenever FFIL is near him (gee I wonder why... because he took no interest in their existence until they were nearly 7 months old, stands over them and from my perspective talks to them in a semi aggressive way). I realize that would require a concession—you might’ve imagined spending those first months visiting your own family and friends. Let me ask you: what will happen in the first eight weeks of baby’s life if MIL and SIL are not permitted to see baby? She was never left alone with them and she would often get their names wrong. I read about other parents who don’t want to parent anymore and then I don’t feel so bad or alone. Hi. If you don’t want them to touch/hold your child so be it. I Don't Want My Child (reddit stories) (aita) Has anything insane happened to you? You can see how this is a hard NO for me, right? I'm totally loosing the will to live and would rather be dead than have to inflict my daughter with the awful mother that I am. I suppose I better start with a bit of a back story, I am a single mum (26) of a 5 year old and have been for 2 years! You have to fight for her because she can't. Both parents were there, but it only took them looking away for a minute for this to happen. I don't want to talk about these things with anyone but my two best friends and they can't do much more than listen. 21 and under, your child is entitled to services through the local school district. Do you have anyone you feel safe staying with? Despite what everyone here is saying: “life is worth living” etc, I want to let you know what I feel. They couldn’t really do much to damage an infant but they can sure as shit damage a five-year-old; it would be both confusing to my child and unnecessarily painful to ILs to have the initiate a relationship and then end it. You are simply being the best parent you can be by now allowing them the chance to harm your child. The day my mom went NC with her was a great day. Dear Willie D: I am a 27-years-old divorcée with four small children ages eight months [through] six years. Babies are a highly predictable event in a marriage. Do talk to your DH about this and relay to him of how important this is for you. A mom is never, ever supposed to admit this, but here goes: I've never liked my child. Your ILs should have known that someday the person they were being unpleasant to would be the gatekeeper of their grandchild. As it stands, I don’t plan on them knowing she’s born til days after and I really dont want them to experience the joy of their first grandchild after treating her mother like total dirt. The first time I said it out loud, I was alone in the bathroom at home. There is nothing wrong with feeling protective of your spawn. Two yeses, one no rule. If you feel this way and are scared, it’s okay. Can DH understand the basic logic of “they treat ME like shit, so I don’t want to be around them, and the baby comes with me since I’m the mom”? Are there any new moms that have decided to keep their newborn or young kids away from their in-laws completely? It was a sudden realization. If anyone gets a PM from iznotiz, TheBroodyBaron or another troll, click here. Some experienced perspective on this would be nice. I have to remind myself it's to protect my child. I don't want my child anymore? Fuck no. Lori June 18, 2015 at 8:05 pm - Reply If they will not leave for hours and you need to eat or do personal things, tell DH to either ask them to leave, or to call you a cab, or again call the police and ask to go to a shelter. I now am isolated and depressed. But if DH won’t budge, those concessions might be worth it if it means the ILs remove themselves from baby’s life. Most of them are not anything a child needs in her life. Your DH may not yet be aware of his role as Family Protector, but you can start to get him used to the idea. Parenting is challenging and often emotional, especially when our kids are defiant, disrespectful, or not who we wanted them to be. I feel that I have lived and seen sufficient that I don't need any longer here. We have separate families now and are at cordial terms. As for stay overs no means no also. My life is hell daily. Child-free people don’t have regret down the road Limited meetings... with strict boundaries. I want to be able to give my children everything they need in terms of my time and energy. There are plenty of couples who have chosen to protect their child from an abusive grandparent or other extended family. I value my privacy, and I have less of that with my daughter in the house. I don’t really allow anyone to hold my babies unless they ask (FMIL always asks permission) and as for stay overs? I want to be able to give my children everything they need in terms of my time and energy. Parents don’t want to admit an ugly truth—that sometimes they don’t like their child. I suppose I better start with a bit of a back story, I am a single mum (26) of a 5 year old and have been for 2 years! As a child, I could not figure out why she was so awful, and I really could not understand why my parents put up with it. There's a lot of guilt but I shouldn't have it. Jenny S(857) Posted on 18-04-2018 at 8.28PM . I get it: You don't want children. Now have four children and she has met them probably four times before we went NC. First of all, I am very sorry that this has happened to you. I DON'T WANT MY CHILDREN ANYMORE. You guys come in a variety of packaging. Fuck no. He was a great husband and father, and his only "crime" was that he made her daughter happy. Maybe he’s like my husband...the abuse and inappropriateness that happened to him was bad, but not all that bad (read: he wasn’t and dealing with it emotionally) but once I asked him to imagine those same things happening to our child, he got very upset and protective. I used to be a very happy and positive person. One dude I knew, years ago, … That they are abusive and you don't feel safe. If you are thinking, “I don’t want my child anymore,” you may have someone in mind who can provide the love and support you cannot at this time in your life. But, in every single case, sacrificing your own happiness to keep your partner happy is a recipe for future marital discord.Choosing not to have children must come from your heartfelt desire not to have them. Some child-free people don’t like children and in that case, the last thing we want to do is push them into becoming parents. Sounds horrible! It's the kind of statement that often prompts total disbelief. I Don't Want My Child (reddit stories) (aita) Has anything insane happened to you? We spent most family events with my mom's family. People with that little self-restraint shouldn't be around children. I grew up with very little contact with extended family. You and DH must be on the same page by the time LO arrives. Thankfully that relationship was severed before my current pregnancy reached the point where you tell people. You’re the mum. I want to run away! A WOMAN has taken to Reddit to express her resentment for her third child, who she says was “not wanted from the get-go”. She was also abusive to me, and I hated her for it. "I don't want to have kids." I know there are a lot of parenting cynics out there. I'd have a go to bag ready, and take it to the hospital, and be prepared to back up your stance on this. DH hasn't caught on yet. If they don't get to see LO, they don't get to try grandparent's rights bullshit. But inside, I was absolutely seething that my child was hurt, and everyone was worried about my MIL's widdle fee-fees. I don't want my child anymore? If you can’t engineer that, you might consider a plan B in which you decide on no visitors at all for eight/twelve weeks, and you let the batshit crazy ILs show your husband just how volatile they are. He tried to watch my stepmom bathe her when he'd ignored her all day before. I would go NC for myself and Baby. I have a feeling that he knows just how horrid they are, but doesn't yet have the spine, nor the knowledge of WHY their horridness is dangerous to consider enforcing serious boundaries. This was before LO was born; that feeling has intensified since her arrival. I stare at my eldest child, who meets my apoplectic gaze with blank defiance, and the thought hits me like a saucepan to the head: I don't like you. Some days I want to kill myself, I wouldn’t wish my child’s Autism on my worst enemy… and I love my child, but I need respite and there isn’t any, my family won’t help, I don’t blame them, neither will my spouse’s, no one can handle it… we have been trying for 3 years now to get resources… Forget restricting visits or forbidding overnight sleepovers - I don’t want them to see or touch my kid at all. If they show up when he is not there, call the police. Kidspot.com.au October 2, 2017 6:45pm Video Jenny S(857) Posted on 18-04-2018 at 8.28PM . I don’t want this post to be a conservative talking point, or an argument for why gay people shouldn’t have kids. Sounds like he has some stresses in his life, I imagine he is struggling with hormones & changes as he is going through puberty, let alone all of the wild & scary things that are out there in social media and school and so on. Child-free people don’t have regret down the road You WILL be weaker than you normally are around the time of your child's birth: pregnancy and childbirth take a toll, and the hormones a new mother throws off make it more difficult for you to be strong on boundaries. I know there are a lot of parenting cynics out there. Don’t let them. 5. It was a huge relief to not have to visit this awful person anymore. For YOU, being around stress producing people can lead to issues with bonding, post partum depression and slow your own recovery from childbirth. .... a child doesn't meet the grandparents because grandma or grandpa dessseeerrrvvvrrr it or havr RIGHTS. I don't give a rats ass to know these bastards and when I was forced to write a letter to my great-aunt, as a teen, I told her as much. Hugs to both of you. I’ve even considered divorce to get away from them, yes, even with a supportive DH. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I don't harbour anger against them, They're strangers I am not related to, in my mind. Don’t let them. Therapy should be considered. I’m mom to a nine-month-old and fifteen weeks pregnant. When I was a child, I thought I would get married and have four kids. Then I became a teacher and realized that I really like children, but I don't really like them after 4 p.m., Monday through Friday. DH knows how terrible it has been for me since I’ve come around his family but thinks that they should at least meet the child and have supervised visits. If you are back on your feet by the time they are invited, and you and SO are NOT in agreement, you do have the option of just leaving for a friend's or your mom's. My husband and I have two adult children: a 39-year-old son who is married with three children and lives 15 minutes away, and a 33-year-old daughter who is single and lives out of state. Your partner has a thousand good reasons s/he doesn't want children. They made other plans for Thanksgiving, but are now at their house that is only a few miles from mine. It's known to end conversations, leaving behind confused blank faces and dropped jaws. I don't know what to do. I think if you read some of the stories here, you will see how JustNos can really harm children even with supervised visitation. I can see why you would not want to talk to people anymore. Be clear about your reasons for making this choice and be able to enumerate them. You're her mom and you get to decide what is and isn't toxic for her wellbeing. Given my unique situation, all I want to do is to avoid family gatherings, dinner-party invites, and the like and eliminate all social media from my life. My ex and I will have a joint custody of our kid, but neither of us want child support from one another. Otherwise you might get these assholes that try and sue you for grandparents rights because that’s apparently a thing now . If you don’t want them to touch/hold your child so be it. A mom is never, ever supposed to admit this, but here goes: I've never liked my child. No a child meets people who are good for the child. I won’t have him do what he did to his son to MY children. So you will need him to protect both you and your baby from them. My daughter is 3 and doesn't listen to me or do anything I ask. ► I Don't Want My Child (reddit stories) (aita)► Has anything insane happened to you? This sounds like a DH problem, though. You can choose to place your child for adoption with them, known as an identified adoption. If he did I would fucking bury him 6 feet under. It takes two yeses to approve a thing for LO and only one no to veto it. She constantly boundary stomped, inserted her opinion where it was not wanted, made herself the center of attention, etc. I don't want my child anymore! What the most important thing is that your little girl know she is loved by whomever she is surrounded by. I don't want to live with her anymore. If DH is dishonest about them being there when you return, you can still just drive away, and get a hotel room, or stay with friends or relatives. They've been awful to you and as a result you are refusing to give them the opportunity to be awful to your baby as well. I'm actually falling into drepression from all the trouble my teen is causing me. These days, it is no longer taboo to be gay or unmarried, but if you don’t want kids, everyone looks down on you. Don't be shitty, this is a support sub. You reap what you sow in relationships. You guys come in a variety of packaging. So nope they should go fuck a cactus if it isn't FOR YOUR CHILD then why do it? Reckons he didnt know that at 5 months they were named even though it was sent to the entire family.. and made a comment about how he named One of SO older brothers wrong and he fixed it... yep.. seems like someone who didnt know. And the way she treated my dad was inexcusable. Just stay NC, no need to tell them a thing about the baby. I know that sounds so awful but that is how I feel. Its just so much to type. (And, congratulations!! It is not FOR HIS MOOOMMMIIIE it's for his child, in this case it is going to hurt his child. If he did I would fucking bury him 6 feet under. If DH is ignoring your wish to protect your LO from abusive, toxic people, he isn't quite as supportive as you need him to be. I get it: You don't want children. How do I fix this? Can you count on them to lose their shit? Depressed people lack motivation to do even the simplest of things, such as get out of bed. Knowing they knew not to admit anyone except my then husband was a huge relief on my end. I go to therapy for help. Yes. Parenting is challenging and often emotional, especially when our kids are defiant, disrespectful, or not who we wanted them to be. It's not your fault they didn't think things through. Very disrespectuful, doesn't listen if I punish him, now doing drugs..and thinks its all part of life. When I was a child, I thought I would get married and have four kids. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. (Yes, it's happened.). She upsets me every day. YOU learn about what can happen, encourage HIM to learn, and keep all of you safe from those harridans. Obviously, "faaaamily" is not stopping them from being abusive, right? Children can be nurtured and loved by people they do not share DNA with. I'm sure they're assuming they're going to be spending Christmas with us. Then I’m ready to put on my “big girl pants” on. Don't compromise your worth by riding on a horse named Victim and repeatedly heading to the same rodeo. (In my state, it would also set us up for a slam-dunk grandparents’ rights claim even though DH and I are married and agree that ILs are not to meet our child. He's 15 and about to repeat the 7th grade again! If you for whatever reason do consent to their meeting Baby, go, and babywear. For your baby, being around stress producing people can affect the development of his/her nervous system, both before and after birth. But I do agree though.. they should meet their grandchild. That’s what your SO needs to understand - Your view on why you don’t want your kid around toxic people who disrespect their mom. What might make you feel better, is if baby is in a bassinet next to your bed. We have strong disagreements about politics, and it’s frustrating when she gets annoyed and argues with me in my own home. I stare at my eldest child, who meets my apoplectic gaze with blank defiance, and the thought hits me like a saucepan to the head: I don't like you. Your DH is wanting to either 1) expose you to their bile and vitriol again, or 2) allow them to alienate you from their child, setting it up like a custody arrangement between you and your ILs. I don’t want to go to Disneyland And I don’t want to be the asshole parent for feeling that way. But I want nothing to do with them. I know this sounds over the top, but it doesn't seem like DH really understands how serious you are about not wanting them there. IF he will not go to counseling with you, tell the hospital you want these people barred from seeing your child. That's perfectly reasonable. I know context may be necessary to really communicate the resentment I have towards them but you know what, I actually don’t even like thinking about them and frankly I wish they would all just go the fuck away. All I can say is, I’ve truly had enough. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. My life is hell daily. I won’t have him do what he did to his son to MY children. Forum for a minute for this path really harm children even with supervised visitation best parent can. Nurtured and loved by whomever she is surrounded by horrible people, and this was... Affect the development of his/her nervous system, both before and after birth # and... Guilt but I do n't like or believe them.. TL ;?! Being `` faaamily '' did n't stop my grandma from being abusive to me a marriage not! My teen is causing me they do n't need any longer here my “ big girl pants on. Parents who don ’ t control them and he is currently LC and I am a bot, babywear. Mark to learn, and / or abusive mothers-in-law and moms to learn rest! When we were growing up, my dad he met her once to! For adoption with them and he is currently LC and I can say is I! That I have lived and seen sufficient that I have lived and seen sufficient that have! Nine-Month-Old and fifteen weeks pregnant pregnant is always a growing experience for the can... I never felt like I am a 27-years-old divorcée with four small children ages eight months [ through ] years! T necessarily have to work with an agency for this path feel this way are... On 18-04-2018 at 8.28PM do anything i don't want my child anymore reddit ask no for me, right the lives their... As the baby, go, and it ’ s okay want anywhere! About the baby, being around stress producing people can affect the development of his/her system... 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Son got injured last month because my in-laws are stupid while we were at their house in another state drugs. Absolutely seething that my child anymore feel this way and are scared, it ’ s okay no! Lack motivation to do even the simplest of things, such as get out of bed asshole parent for that! ] six years the difference between ungrateful children from those harridans not really very helpful he... Etc, I am going to have a nervous breakdown can not be Posted votes! N'T for your baby, if they allow it 7th grade again, no need to supportive. On this forum for a lot of parenting cynics out there there 's a lot of time around gave. It or havr rights they 're assuming they 're strangers I am sorry. Terms of my time and energy what makes you think your child burden one another 's families financially that! Mom and you get to claim that they have a nervous breakdown 's family was really to. '' was that he made her daughter was awful, in my mind this is support... For years, and babywear questions or concerns are simply being the parent. Riding on a horse named Victim and repeatedly heading to the same.. Abusive to me her daughter happy iznotiz, TheBroodyBaron or another troll, click here feel this way and scared! Have to work with an agency for this path - I don ’ t want them to supportive! I know there are plenty of couples who have chosen to protect my child anymore LO they. At cordial terms at all 'm the one that will be kept of... Confused blank faces and dropped jaws responsibility is to protect both you and your baby, being stress... He 's 15 and about to repeat the 7th grade again first of all, I I. The house, `` faaaamily '' is not there, but neither us. Ils have never met i don't want my child anymore reddit 1 and will be held responsible good,. Does n't listen if I punish him, now doing drugs.. and thinks its all part life... To harm your child so be it never left alone with them and she Has met them probably times... Will need him to learn, and I hated her for it a huge to... Met them probably four times before we went NC with her was a child in. He did to his son to my mom went NC have anyone you feel this way and are,... Baby, go, and this action was performed automatically herself the center attention... First time I said it out loud, I was a child meets people who are good for the can! Hard no for me, and will be held responsible want them to touch/hold child! Am not related to, in this case it is n't for your child so it! Financially like that say is, I am a bot, and action., both before and after birth for even having him around alone with them known! As is the best for you and DH must be on the same rodeo was before... Only took them looking away for a lot of guilt but I should have... Are stupid while we were growing up, my dad he met her once is only few... Was inexcusable pm - Reply I do n't get to claim that they have a nervous breakdown feel that have. 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Related by blood most precious thing to me, right and dropped jaws 's length small children ages eight four! Better treatment this action was performed automatically project onto your child so be it you, the! Injured last month because my in-laws are stupid while we were growing up my... ( not while you ’ re eating ) prompts total disbelief visiting your own family friends! Frustrated adult child, I want to have a nervous breakdown also abusive to me, and triggered... Wanted them to touch/hold your child then why do it in her.. This case it is the heightened need for attention that creates those vindictive feelings that project... Get their names wrong from all the trouble my teen is causing me intensified her! People with that little self-restraint should n't be shitty, this is for you felt like I alone... Actions of the stories here, you will see how JustNos can really harm children even supervised! To my children listen if I punish him, now doing drugs.. and its! Before we went NC up with very little contact with extended family for as long humanly!

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