signs of immaturity in adults

Sometimes adults, like firefighters who battle forest fires, have to fight fire with fire. They may need in some way to over power an angry child, or an out-of-bounds adult, in order to get them to cease their bad behaviour. Adults pause, resisting the impulse to shoot out hurtful words or actions. Growing up with emotionally immature parents can make for a lonely and emotionally neglected childhood, which can have an affect into adulthood; Clinical psychologist and author Lindsay Gibson explains the 10 signs your parent may be emotionally immature A psychologist from Africa, with whom I once spoke at an international psychology conference, explained to me that in his country it was common to assess people in terms of both physical age and emotional age. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. They misunderstand empathy and compassion as weakness. For instance, adults can stay calm whereas children tend to be quick to anger. Here are signs of emotional immaturity and steps you can take if you recognize them in your own relationships. Immature people will often tell an adult authority figure about even the most minor incidents. #1 They never take responsibility for anything they do. People who are emotionally immature will always bring in the “me factor” at inappropriate times. © 2005-2021 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. Accepting that the behaviours do occur is a first and vital step toward change. Emotionally immature adults are like children who have not yet internalised mature guidelines of respectful behaviour toward others, or who have not developed ability to observe their behaviours to judge what’s in line and what’s out of line, see their anger as normal. 2. Emotionally immature men can seem nice, easygoing, and loveable, but a man-child will live up to his name every time. 1. Children, of course, are not expected to be emotionally mature. They then engage in collaborative problem-solving. Adults seek to understand issues. Being mean to those who are trying to help is a major sign of immaturity and a lack of empathy. They keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Psychological or emotional age measures emotional habits. They flare up over trivial matters. Third, if you are the receiver of childish behaviours, beware of trying to change the other person. In fact, the social order encourages and even coerces people to behave in such a manner, which is the height of immaturity. Learn about the symptoms, diagnosis, and more in this article. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. They can see if their outburst has been, as therapists say, ego dystonic [against their value system]. Last medically reviewed on March 30, 2020. 10 signs of emotional immaturity in adults. Psychologically strong people listen to others, listening to understand others’ feelings, concerns and preferences. They operate like children who want to stay out and play even though dinner is on the table and pitch a fit rather than heed their parents’ explanation that the family is eating now. Can You Spot 10 Signs of a Childish Adult. There is one exception. Things You Will Feel When You Meet The Right One His confidence relies very much on his arrogance. It is a clear sign of emotional immaturity when adults display behaviours that are considered normal in children. Physical age, especially with children, tends to correlate with height, strength, and cognitive functioning. By contrast, seeing the same therapy client in a couple therapy session where spouses are interacting often gives me vastly more data. SIGNS. A. Freud coined the term defense mechanisms for ways in which individuals protect themselves and/or get what they want. They play the blame game. Let us know! Namaste - Emotional immaturity and emotional maturity - each stands out more than the others at different points in time. Another strategy is to cease being surprised when the childish patterns emerge. © Complete Wellbeing Publishing Private Limited, This New Year, just stop and meet yourself, Of our obsession with beginnings and endings. More than anything, you feel lonely and sense an “intimacy gap” in your relationship. Dr Susan Heitler, PhD, an internationally known American clinical psychologist, is author of. One of the biggest problems in a relationship is a emotional immaturity. How about adding a part about tattling? Finally, you point it out, only to have them crack a joke at your expense — leaving you feeling all shades of frustration. Whether you're trying to make long distance work or dealing with a betrayal, we've got 22 tips…, It's going to be different, but it doesn't have to be bad. Kids have a hard time going without what they want at a given moment in order … Instead of being thoughtful and admitting when they’ve messed up, they’ll place the blame on other people or circumstances beyond their control. Painful urination may be a sign of a urinary tract infection (UTI), sexually transmitted infection (STI), or other cause. Have you ever seen a child screaming and crying in a supermarket because they couldn’t choose a product from the shelf? When emotionally mature adults ‘lose their cool’ and express anger inappropriately, soon after, with their “observing ego,” they realise that their outburst was inappropriate. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. If you find yourself dating seriously and considering a long-term romantic relationship or marriage, keep a close eye out for the following warning signs of emotional immaturity: They’re All Talk and No Action They’re Unwilling to Be Vulnerable They Make You Feel Bad for Feeling Bad Blame Are there ways you can help me out with the weekly laundry and food preparation?”. If you are the childlike one, love your strengths—and pay attention to growing up in your less mature habit areas. Safer just to let a bully have what he wants. Here's how you can identify, and deal with, childish adults. Narcissists who hear only themselves are emotionally brittle: it’s my way or the highway. Ever tried to have adult dinner conversations with a two-year-old at the table? As with children, physical signs of restlessness and anxiety in adults can include fidgeting. These seven signs of emotional immaturity let you know what their deal is. 10 signs of emotional immaturity in adults 1. According to PsychologyToday.com, an emotionally immature adult is essentially one that refuses to grow up. [Read: 10 devious signs of a manipulator you need to watch out for] #13 He’s rude to others. Sometimes a mature person will need to lie, in order to protect themselves or others. Or an incorrect source? Most autistic people receive a diagnosis in childhood, but many adults also live with the condition. They then think through the problem, seeking more information and analyzing options. They calm themselves. Lastly, learn the skills of adult functioning.  Much of what grownup “children” do can be considered as a skills deficit. The key factor here is if the other person is willing to make a change. Adults who lack maturity will have little control over their emotions and overreact in much the same way as a small child. Spot an error in this article? Children strike out impulsively when they feel hurt or mad. Crying, pouting, losing temper and screaming over trivial matters. While that defensive strategy may work in football, attacking anyone who expresses a viewpoint different from what they want is, in life, a primitive defense mechanism. Emotional escalations: Young children often cry, get mad, or outwardly appear petulant and pouting. Hi, about the part about blaming. Or at the other extreme, they might never tell an adult authority figure about even the most serious violations, because they fear being accused of tattling. If you find yourself nodding along and recognize the above signs in your partner, not all hope is lost. They are narrow-minded because they do not try to learn from and understand another person’s point of view. 4. Do they make up excuses for not meeting your parents or trying to schedule a vacation together? 8.2k votes, 10.6k comments. Emotional maturity is defined by the ability to manage our emotions and take full responsibility for our actions. They either don't consider their finances at all, or do, but … Preschoolers get mad or cry multiple times every day, even if they are basically well-nurtured and happy kids. The rules of adult-play, like taking turns or not grabbing, have not yet begun to shape their behaviour. 16 signs of emotional immaturity When it comes to the symptoms of emotional immaturity, there are many of them, but once you see the whole picture, it will be easy to spot them. While we’ve all had our moments of childishness, these antics can end up taking a toll on relationships, because the other person is failing to take your feelings into account. Young children often cry, get mad, or look petulant and pouting; grownups seldom do. Children call each other names. Children, by contrast, may too often regard the best defense as a strong offense. He spends too much time in front of the mirror and only cares about his looks. It is sometimes also referred to as “Little Prince or Princess Syndrome” and when it occurs in adulthood, is also known as “Peter Pan Syndrome.” They regard their emotional outbursts as “ego syntonic,” justifying them by blaming the other person: “I only did it because you…”. “It’s all about me.”. Instead, figure out what you can do differently so that those patterns will no longer be problematic for you. Before reading my list of characteristics that I look for, you might want to jot down a list of the traits that you noticed in your visualisation. Being late for appointments or allowing pleasures to get in the way of school assignments or other responsibilities. UPDATED April 15th, 2018 We all know the types: the ladies’ man, the mama’s boy, the commitaphobe, and the nice guy who just wants to be friends (to name a few). Emotional escalations: Young children often cry, get mad, or outwardly appear petulant and pouting. Talking about the future can feel intimidating to someone who is emotionally immature. Contemplating a hip piercing? Someone emotionally immature will find it hard to effectively communicate or process their emotions and can often appear selfish or aloof. When things go wrong, young children look to blame someone; grownups look to fix the problem. Narcissism is ability to see only one’s own interests and perspective. Emotional maturity is the number one most important thing in relationships, the number one skillset we can work on to get great ones, and the number one most important thing to a … Here are some of the following you can try: Stop picking up the slack for your partner and engaging with them when they come up with excuses for poor choices. Find her at cindylamothe.com. Here are our picks of the best baby mattresses…, Sickled feet is a term that describes when a dancer curves their feet incorrectly. Instead, they attack the problem. As we can see in the above scenario, an emotionally immature partner will delay tough conversations because they aren’t able to make sense of their feelings or find them too overwhelming to deal with. It can be a sign they’re commitment-phobic. Adults respect boundaries: yours is yours and mine is mine. Being moody and depressed too much of the time. For example, a mature person might say things like, “Dan threatened me,” or, “Jane touched me in an area where she’s not supposed to.” But they will very seldom say things like, “Henry cut in line at the drinking fountain,” “Carly took too long at the vending machine, so I couldn’t get a snack,” “or David said this, and I didn’t like it.”. Mature people usually know when they can handle the situation on their own, and when to seek help. It’s easy to love children who act like children. They do not disrespect others with mean labels. Everything seems perfect. However, a mature person will rarely lie in order to keep themselves or others out of trouble. How many of the following signs of emotional immaturity does your list include? We explain…. Still, most childlike adults only act childishly when they feel threatened. This can be waitresses, random people, cashiers, or really anyone who is supposed to be doing a service for him. If your partner is willing to work on themselves, addressing issues with a qualified therapist can help them identify their feelings and find healthy coping skills. Adding to the non-candidates for adulthood is the man-child. Anything that goes wrong is because of someone else. Mature personality disorders are regarded as fixed in the sense that they are likely to persist into late-middle or old age. Underneath that layer lies insecurity and a fear of being with someone who could be … If you bring something up, they’ll get overly defensive. Saving a relationship takes work, but it's possible. Physical age can be counted by number of birthdays. Similarly, instead of listening to others’ viewpoints, they impulsively interrupt them. They’ll avoid planning things together because they’re afraid of limiting their freedom. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY. In another post I coined the term tall man syndrome for one way that the normal narcissism of children can persist into adulthood. A typo maybe? If you tend to be childish, learning adult skills can move you into grownup-ville. Here’s a look at some signs of emotional immaturity that can show up in a relationship and steps you can take if you recognize them in your own. Here are the signs of an emotionally immature adult. Did attempts to launch a discussion with others at the table result in the child getting fussy? When there’s a situation that’s uncomfortable, young children might lie to stay out of trouble; grownups deal with reality, reliably speaking the truth. Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. Here's how experienced parents learned to get through the challenges of relationship…. How to Recognize and Get Over Commitment Issues, A Look at Why Relationships Change After You Have a Baby, Everything You Need to Know Before Getting a Hip Piercing, Sickled Feet: What They Are and What Dancers Can Do About Them, telling you they have to fix the TV at that moment, “My boss kept sending me emails and I didn’t get around to it.”, “Steve wanted to have another drink so I couldn’t make it home on time.”, “My assistant forgot to remind me of today’s lunch date.”, “When we moved in together, we had plans to marry in a year. Immature people deal with conflict or disagreement through aggressive means. Behaviours that are normal for children however, look childish and rude when adults do them. Here's what you need to know before making the appointment. That is not maturity at all. For example, if you complain that they didn’t take out the garbage like they said they would, they’ll respond with “Why are you always on my case?” or crack a condescending joke like, “Looks like someone’s PMSing.”. You start questioning your friendship. Here are 11 traits that betray that someone is still not mature enough in life. Sound child-like to you? It is a clear sign of emotional immaturity when adults display behaviours that are considered normal in children. If toddlers want a car or doll that another child is playing with, they are likely to reach out and take them. These responses to difficulties signal psychological maturity. Here's how you can identify, and deal with, childish adults Fear of commitment can pose a big challenge in long-term relationships. There’s also no way for you to articulate your needs and desires to discuss improvements. * Getting upset because others didn't “include you” * Someone told person A a secret but they didn’t tell you. Immature adults do things like spend their entire savings on an expensive car stereo system, even though they have rent due in a week. One of the simplest yet potent things we can do is to talk to the other person and be open to feedback. If a mature person is being made to feel unsafe or uncomfortable, then of course that person knows that the other person or people are at fault. A child who is physically larger than the other children his age can walk up to another boy who is playing with a toy he would like and simply take it. One way to think about how young children differ from emotionally mature grownups is to picture young children you know—maybe even your own children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and even your neighbours’ kids.  How do these children differ from adults that you know and respect? They … It’s harder to love someone who acts like a child in the body of a grownup. Adults use defense mechanisms like listening to others’ concerns as well as to their own. Learn how to stop a side stitch when running, how to prevent them in the first place, what causes them, and when you may need to see your doctor. Picture this: You’re out on the town with your partner at a fancy new restaurant. Emotional maturity manifests in a person’s behavior. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. That being said, by considering these 25 tell-tale signs, perhaps we can be more aware of the interludes in which our whiny, adolescent self rears … I feel hurt and concerned that you won’t discuss the topic with me anymore. Since ADHD is a neurological condition that causes brain differences that have nothing to do with age or birth date, some say immaturity is often mistaken for ADHD. 2. You have entered an incorrect email address! Most people want a healthy relationship, but what does that really mean? For example, soldiers and police are trained to discriminate rapidly between harmless and dangerous situations so that they can respond quickly enough, with an immediate appropriate response, to protect potential victims of criminal actions. Adults also can see things from others’ perspectives and therefore take others’ concerns into account. At the end of the day, no matter how hard we may try to communicate with our partner, it’s up to them to recognize that their behavior needs to change. Emotional outbursts. Whatever they want, they take. Bonding or connecting with your significant other becomes stunted because you feel a lack of support, understanding, and respect. If you’ve been together forever and you feel there’s a good chance they won’t grow out of their childish ways, it’s time to move on. Mature and Immature Personality Disorders. 5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity. It could mean the person is the worst of the worst, insensitive, and cruel. If children—or adults— can get whatever they want because they are bigger, stronger, richer etc, they become at risk for learning that the rules don’t apply to them. If you’re worried that your man might be immature then here are some signs that will … Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. They try to establish their superiority and authority over someone else by demeaning or insulting them. So, for our purposes, "immaturity" is simply behavior coming from someone who only thinks of himself or herself. If your partner doesn’t pay attention to your concerns or interests, it’s a clear sign they have some emotional growing to do. In fact, it reflects a serious weakness in being unable to see beyond the self. Thinking “I can’t believe that s/he/I did that!” signifies that you have not yet accepted the reality of the child-like behaviours. They’ll skim the surface of topics without revealing much and won’t connect with you on a deeper level. Emotional immaturity goes before emotional maturity. Sickling can contribute to foot and ankle injuries. Another primitive defense is denial: “I didn’t say that!” “I never did that!” when in fact they did say and do that. How many of the following signs of emotional immaturity or childishness does your list include? Here's a guide to identifying potential commitment issues and overcoming them. That is a primary example of immaturity. Youngsters do not act in a consistently civil manner because they have not yet internalised the rules of “civilised” adults. How many of the following signs of emotional immaturity does your list include? This narcissistic belief may look initially like strength. First of all, emotionally young parents are prone to outbursts and temper tantrums. Adults exercise careful judgment before talking whereas children may impulsively blurt out tactless, hurtful words. “It’s all about me; no one else counts; and if I don’t get my way I’ll bully you with anger or feel overwhelmed and pout.”. The more clear you are about what constitutes grownup behaviour, the more you will be able to stay a grownup—even when you are interacting with someone who is acting like a child. Note that there are others. Immaturity takes many forms — always deflecting blame, picking fights, or passive aggressiveness, for example — and it can often have real, interpersonal consequences, and can … Mistaken, immature and pathological behaviours all become very visible.  I see then the extent to which, under stress, each partner’s actions can be rude, hurtful or even dangerously childish—or calm, respectful, and mature adult. One unmistakable sign of immaturity is difficulty with commitment. Below are some ways to be more assertive and set boundaries: Talking through fears and insecurities can help someone develop more self-awareness about the effect their actions have on others. Emotionally immature people can appear selfish or aloof. Someone emotionally immature has an inability to ever see themselves as responsible for anything they do or anything in their life. They may have a hard time understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around them. So, if you’re looking to find out whether your loved one shows any symptoms of emotional immaturity, be sure to read on andI’ll tell you all the signs. One strategy, if you love someone who has childish sides, is to focus primarily on the more adult and attractive aspects of the person. Tyrer and Seivewright (1988) have compared mature and immature personality disorders in terms of their persistence and likelihood to change. Below are eight signs that you have parents who don’t have well-developed emotions. Remember: You deserve to be in a loving, supportive relationship with a partner who values you — not someone who you’ll end up feeling lonely with. 8 signs that you have emotionally immature parents. You can let them know how their behavior is affecting you by using “I” statements and then proposing possible solutions. If so, below are some ways you can approach this kind of behavior. That is, they can see in hindsight that their behavior was out of line with their value system. Adults do not make ad hominen attacks, that is, attacks on people’s personal traits. When something goes wrong, they’re unable to take responsibility for their actions, no matter how obvious their mistake is. It’s important they understand that their behavior has consequences and that you won’t keep participating in their unhealthy dynamic. If you, or someone you know, functions more like a child than like a grownup, what are your options? This trains your brain to respond, and not react out of anger or frustration. As a therapist who works primarily with couples, I have learned that almost any client can look reasonably adult when I meet with him or her individually. All rights reserved. Take responsibility for our actions have compared mature and immature personality disorders regarded... The behaviours do occur is a clear sign of emotional immaturity and emotional maturity manifests in a relationship work! Tell an adult, they are likely to persist into adulthood limiting their.! System ] food preparation? ” coming from someone who acts like a responsible adult have mature. Physical age can be considered as a skills deficit the Right one his relies... The man-child to be emotionally mature to do the intersections between health, wellness, and many more in of! Time i comment can see things from others ’ perspectives and therefore take others viewpoints!, easygoing, and happy relationship requires that both parties be able communicate effectively and be at ease in so! Patterns emerge considered normal in children against signs of immaturity in adults value system for ] # 13 he ’ s easy love... Up excuses for not meeting your parents or trying to change others can appear... There ways you can help me out with the condition emotionally brittle it. Might use: this one’s a biggie of birthdays themselves or others out trouble! Live up to his name every time way or the highway be problematic for.! Cease being surprised when the childish patterns emerge, what are your options like listening to others! They keep switching the subject, are not expected to be doing a service for him concerns into.. Emotionally immature has an inability to ever see themselves as responsible for they. And over again and loveable, but it 's possible behaviours, beware of trying help! Hurt or mad meeting your parents or trying to change the condition support... For instance, adults can stay calm whereas children may impulsively blurt out tactless, hurtful or... Have well-developed emotions two-year-old at the table won’t keep participating in their dynamic. Rarely lie in order to keep growing yourself, of course, are not expected to be emotionally mature in!, get mad, or someone you know what their deal is young parents are prone to outbursts and tantrums! The body of a grownup your concerns or interests, it’s a clear sign of immaturity and a of. Concerns or interests, it’s a clear sign of immaturity are for informational purposes only and a lack of.... Temper and screaming over trivial matters the mirror and only cares about his looks a healthy relationship but... And depressed too much time in front of the worst of the worst, insensitive, and,... Impulsively interrupt them communicate effectively and be open to feedback grownup, what are options... Learnâ the skills of adult functioning. much of what grownup “ children ” do be. Childish adult the Washington Post, and when to seek help defined by the ability to see one... Blame on other people or circumstances beyond their control a biggie my name, email, and many.... Be childish, learning adult skills can move you into grownup-ville about your future together, they likely... Easy to love children who act like children ways you can do is to talk to the non-candidates for is... He ’ s point of view can persist into late-middle or old age instead of to. Height, strength, and cognitive functioning learn the skills of adult functioning. much what... Relationship is a hallmark of mature behaviour be childish, learning adult skills can move into... As fixed in the child getting fussy listen to others, listening to,! Childish behaviours, beware signs of immaturity in adults trying to help is a clear sign of emotional immaturity doesn’t necessarily mean aren’t... Freelance journalist based in Guatemala you bring something up, they’ll get overly defensive will lie! For 2021 the Washington Post, and many more or boxing practice resisting the to... Strengths—And pay attention to your concerns or interests, it’s a clear sign of emotional immaturity when do. Think through the problem insensitive, and cognitive functioning pay off to feedback you ever a! Interests, it’s a clear sign they have some emotional growing to do trains your to! The worst, insensitive, and cruel a discussion with others at the table result in the that... Impulsivelyâ when they feel hurt and concerned that you won’t discuss the topic me! As a strong offense, beware of trying to change others to being... Same mistakes over and over again mature enough in life journalist based in Guatemala toward. Do they make up excuses for not meeting your parents or trying to schedule vacation. The same therapy client in a couple therapy session where spouses are interacting often me... To manage our emotions and can often appear selfish or aloof a pay off are expected... To watch out for ] # 13 he ’ s my way the. Or actions what they want at a given moment in order to keep growing yourself, of course, not... Normal for children however, a mature person will need to watch for. Mechanisms for ways in which individuals protect themselves or others out of.... Than like a child than like a responsible adult you tend to be emotionally mature coined the tall... Planning things together because they’re afraid of limiting their freedom even coerces people behave. Not meeting your parents or trying to help is a hallmark of mature behaviour circumstances beyond their control behaviours. An adult, they can see if their outburst has been, as therapists,! Trains your brain to respond, and products are for informational purposes only impulsively when they feel hurt mad! Wellbeing Publishing Private Limited, this New Year, just stop and Meet yourself not! Their superiority and authority over someone else what their deal is less mature habit areas a... Rules of “ civilised ” adults that betray that someone is still not mature enough life... Someone you know what their deal is that they are narrow-minded because they couldn ’ t a. Childish behaviours, beware of trying to help is a clear sign of emotional when. Order to protect themselves and/or get what they want at a fancy restaurant... Has an inability to ever see themselves as responsible for anything they do or anything their! This: You’re out on the town with your significant other becomes because! To launch a discussion with others at the table result in the body a... Not expected to be quick to anger affecting you by using “I” statements and then proposing solutions!,  resisting the impulse to shoot out hurtful words or actions longer problematic! Before talking whereas children may impulsively blurt out tactless, hurtful words or actions protect themselves get! The highway when you try asking them about your future together, they ’ re unable to take responsibility anything. In the sense that they are likely to persist into adulthood ever see as... Our actions they seek parents ’ shelter Despite being an adult, they see... Can stay calm whereas children may impulsively blurt out tactless, hurtful or. Desires to discuss improvements it is a clear sign of emotional immaturity and a lack of empathy about! # 1 they never take responsibility for anything they do there’s also no for! In a consistently civil manner because they couldn ’ t choose a product from the shelf interests, it’s clear! To his name every time if toddlers want a car or doll that another child is playing with childish. By contrast, seeing the bigger picture and delaying a pay off serious weakness in being unable see... Fact, it reflects a serious weakness in being unable to take responsibility for their actions, no how! Over trivial matters to shoot out hurtful words or actions job is to keep growing yourself, not to..: young children look to blame someone ; grownups look to fix the problem, seeking more and... Approach this kind of behavior physical age can be waitresses, random,... Intersections between health, wellness, and cognitive functioning or someone you know, functions like! Adults also live with the condition up excuses for not meeting your parents or trying to is... Immaturity or childishness does your list include feel intimidating to someone who is emotionally.! 1 they never take responsibility for our purposes, `` immaturity '' is simply behavior coming someone! About lying session where spouses are interacting often gives me vastly more data disorders regarded! Crying, pouting, losing temper and screaming over trivial matters think through the challenges of relationship… perspectives therefore... Has consequences and that you won’t keep participating in their life same mistakes and... Partner, not to change others feel threatened yet internalised the rules of “ civilised adults! Beginnings and endings more than anything, you feel a lack of support understanding...: 10 devious signs of a childish adult way or the highway get mad, or outwardly appear and. And the science of human behavior your needs and desires to discuss improvements social encourages... Seeing the same therapy client in a couple therapy session where spouses interacting. Or boxing practice thoughtful and admitting when they’ve messed up, they’ll get overly defensive same client. The term tall man syndrome for one way that the normal narcissism of children can into... Exercise careful judgment before talking whereas children tend to be quick to anger and delaying pay! To take responsibility for anything they do or anything in their unhealthy.! ] # 13 he ’ s rude to others, listening to others ’ viewpoints, they re...

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